Of Heartbeats and Lost Words
by xtechnicolordreamsx
Summary: No, Raito says to himself, It wasn't supposed to be like this..! Onesided RxL, Set during episode 25 of the anime.


_Disclaimer: Don't own, don't believe, don't wish to be sued.  
A/N: I was bored, it was math class, and I had nothing better to do - so I wrote my first Death Note fic. It's a completely different writing style than my usual one, but I actually kind of like it. Anyway, R&R!  
Summary: No, Raito says to himself, It wasn't supposed to be like this..!_

--

Everyone is in a stage of panic as L stares at the monitors gravely. Raito stands a few feet behind L, feeling vaguely detached as he watched the scene unravel before him; Matsuda is clutching his head, looking around as if searching for a clue - a sign - as to what he can do, the others, observing the many monitors with clenched teeth and shaking fists. And Yagami Souichiro? Standing near L, as always, looking angry and confused.

L, for the first time in all of Raito's life, looks honestly lost and perplexed, pale skin flashing blue from behind the blaring ALL DATA DELETION on the computer monitors. He opens his mouth again, and Raito's eyes are locked onto his lips - thin, ghostly pink, and wet -, unable to take them off and look at something else.

"The shiniga - " L stops midway, onyx eyes wide and indescribable.

All Raito can do is stare as the detective's thin, lanky body tenses (he can practically hear L's heart beating furiously inside his chest), and slowly starts to fall. The spoon L is holding reaches the ground first with a small clattering noise.

_This is it!_ Raito tells himself, expecting some sort of perverse glee to fill his body and heart swell with pride and triumph (he can almost see himself crying out, _'Ha! You see, L?! I won! I won because I am justice! I am the God of the New World!_') He imagines the feeling of happiness (?) fill him, spread all the way to his fingers and toes - it is so close he can almost taste it -

But it does not come.

It doesn't come, and for some reason, as he watches L's thin body fall slowly, slowly, Raito feels scared. Genuinely scared. His brown eyes widen, and then the fear turns to worry. _Why am I worried? _he asks himself, completely confused. His feet are like lead and a gurgling, heavy feeling gathers up in the pit of his stomach.

**Guilt.**

As L's body draws nearer and nearer to the floor, so slowly that Raito hates it, Raito's feet begin to move on their own. Soon, he finds himself _running, running_, the heavy feeling in his stomach even heavier now, and for some reason, Raito is running faster than he ever has his whole life. He is _running, running_, and L is _falling, falling_ - Raito reaches out an arm -

With a loud, clattering thud, Raito catches L's body, limp and weightless in his arms, and the swivel chair that L was almost always seen sitting on falls near their feet with an even louder noise. Raito feels his arm and back pounding with pain - the force of the landing impact was hard and painful - but it doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore, because he made it on time. (_On time for what?_ he asks himself.)

_**Please, please be OK, L. Don't die.**_

He is clutching the black-haired detective's body tightly, with shaking hands and pounding heart, and Raito feels fear again. It is big, scary, and it is consuming him. His eyes meet with L's - golden brown with dull obsidian - and Raito's mouth is opening slowly, ready to let out a string of _'I'm sorry_!' and _'Don't go!_'s, but it doesn't come out. Somehow, Raito has no more voice and he thinks that it is because he is choking on all of the words that he wants to say. So Raito hopes that his guilty eyes can do all of the talking for him.

L stares at him, eyes wider than usual, skin whiter than white and his right hand is grasping Raito's shirt tightly, as if it is the only thing keeping him there, and Raito swears that he can feel - _he can hear!_ - L's rapidly beating heart. All he wants to do is hold it - hold it like he is holding L, _strong and protective_ - and get it - _force it_ - to slow down. All he wants is for it to slow down.

But it does not happen.

L's heart is beating faster, faster than ever (_Just like when he was running during our tennis match,_ Raito muses darkly, _nice and fast_), and Raito cannot do anything.

L's eyes start to close now, and the feeling in his stomach is so heavy and painful that Raito wants to vomit. _NO!_ He tries to yell, _Ryuuzaki - L!! No!!_ But again, nothing comes out. Raito still cannot understand why he is like this - why he is doing this. He is Kira! He is God! He should be ecstatic!

But he is not.

L's eyes start to close ever so gently, long, dark eyelashes meshing together, and Raito feels his whole body go cold.

_No,_ he says to himself_, No... It wasn't supposed to be like this..!_

Raito clutches L's body tight now, closer to his own body, and when he can't feel L's heartbeat; he presses their chests together as if to say, _**'It's OK, L! Look! My heart can beat for the two of us!**_' And when L doesn't respond, Raito feels like the world has ended.

So he screams.


End file.
